Great vibes and great people was all I needed tonight and I had it all. Tonight was a great night. From seeing everyone to eating delicious foods to playing games…. it was allll great. Definitely did not see myself getting any type of award today but i was honored to receive the Most Improved Male Award. I was literally shocked when I heard my name. Since I joined, this team has test my limits and pushed me further than I could have imagined. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve doubted myself and was SO hard on myself for the smallest things. From not making it into certain pieces, being in only 1 or 2 pieces, not being p.l.a.y.er, these little things took a huge affect on myself because I felt like I was doing everything wrong and I was not getting to the destination I wanted to be at. Now looking back I’m glad everything happened, because it just shows with hard work and determination I will get to where I want to be. Bridge set I finally made it into 3 pieces and made it into the piece I wanted to be in the most, Royce’s piece. After Bridge I was bumped up to a P.L.A.Y.er. From that point on I finally felt like this were falling into place. This team taught me that if I truly wanted something I had to work for it and so I did. This entire year I took in every critique and worked on it one by one. I noticed that If I focused on one particular critique for a good period of time I would gradually get better and I did. Also with freestyling, that was one of my huge fears but I had to change my mentality and this entire month i gained the confidence to move freely in a cypher without thinking about what others think. Now that I have seen my accomplishments I’m glad everything had happened the way it did because if it didnt I wouldn’t be where I am today. Thanks Press P.L.A.Y. for literally changing my life. Its been a crazy first year with ya’ll and im already seeing this gen 8 going on a great start :)
Today felt amazing…. besides the fact that we did cardio because I am SO OUTA SHAPE lolll but on the side note I have acomplished some goals that I have been working on lately. First is I finally made something and had the courage to showcase it for submissions whether its good or not I felt confident and comfortable to showcase, thanks especially to Erik for collabing with me aswell ! Then had auditions for Royce’s piece and I also made that which has been my goal since like the beginning process of Prelude, my goal was to make it into one of Royce’s piece and I finally did. When he said I made it the sense of accomplishment literally hit through my entire body because for not making it into breakthrough and making it during my redemption, it felt amazing. NTS that I shouldn’t give up and keep going because sometimes when second chances come your way thats when its your time to shine and show off that you didnt just stop there. Lastly I am in 3 pieces, unless I get cut out for austin’s piece which I actually don’t know if I do or not but we’ll see. But as of right now, I AM in 3 pieces and another goal of mine after Prelude was to make it into 3 or more pieces and I finally made it. It may seem silly to others but these small little goals just push me a step further away to my big goal and I just know that I’m going to get there step by step eventually reaching the top. So for right now, I’m going to just retain all the info, critiques, and everything that I can learn and apply it to the future. I can only go up if I keep up the hard work. Aggggh ! I feel grateful.
I hate that I feel this way lately. This is definitely not healthy and it just makes my life feel like a piece of shit. I hate that I’m weak but I can’t help it when i’ve been through depression before and when times like this occurs it just brings me back. It sucks right now but I know everything will get better, just in time…. i just hope that time is soon.